


I'll See Your Face Again

by spasimante (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: No Fluff, No Smut, Sad, Sad Niall, Sad everyone, just sad, louis isn't really in this but i didnt want to leave him out, sad things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 11:03:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5288309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/spasimante
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall is having a harder time dealing with Zayn's absence than the rest of the band.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll See Your Face Again

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic (!!!) and I'm not super happy with it but I thought why not so here I go... I haven't been a fan of 1D for very long so I just used the first date that I knew of where Zayn was absent, it probably isn't correct but please forgive me I am trying My Best. Comments are very welcome, I'd like to know what you guys think of my work! Title and italics are from Walking In The Wind by One Direction which is 100% definitely not about Zayn in any way at all.
> 
> Edit: it's been a while since I posted this and I've just come back to it recently and I'd like to clear something up. In this fic Niall mentions how each of the boys could be successful on their own but he has nothing without the band. This is entirely his character's thinking, in no way do I think Niall isn't capable of being successful on his own. I think he's doing brilliantly so far.

Niall wished they would stop bringing it up. It had only been two weeks but the subject had been so thoroughly picked over by now he had all his answers memorized. Yes, it was rough to lose one of their members. Yes, they would still continue as a band. No, they didn’t know why Zayn decided to leave. Each interviewer asked the same questions over and over again until he felt like screaming. But not really, he thought. He didn’t feel anything.

 _Oh, we had some good times didn’t we? ___  
_Oh, we had some good tricks up our sleeve  
Goodbyes are bittersweet_

***

“Niall?’  


A soft tap on the door brought Niall to his senses just in time to straighten up and run a hand over his face as the door quietly opened. Harry was standing in the doorway of the dressing room, one hand holding open the door and the other holding a bottle of water.  


“We’re due in twenty, mate”, Harry said, tossing the bottle to Niall. Niall caught it in one hand and looked back up at Harry. He gave him a slight smile and bowed his head back down.  


Staring at his feet, he saw a shadow fall over his legs and looked up to see Harry crouching down in front of him where he was curled up in the far corner of the room. Harry seemed to briefly battle against something, then finally slowly reached out and put a hand on Niall’s knee. Niall just stared at the hand until Harry drew it back, looking uncomfortable. “Look,” Harry said softly, drawing Niall’s attention and making him look Harry full in the face for the first time that night, or for several days, Niall didn’t really know. He had a look of quiet concern that made Niall wish he could pull him down into his arms and hold him there until everything felt okay. “Look, I know it’s been hard. It’s been tough for all of us, but we have a job to do.” Harry shifted onto his knees so he could get ahold of Niall’s knee again, firmer this time. “You’re one of my best mates. I hate seeing you like this. Let’s get out there and forget everything that’s going on for a couple hours, alright?”  


Niall nodded but made no effort to get up. After a moment Harry sighed and stood up, briefly squeezing Niall’s knee. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the door opening and closing, then silence.  


It only took a few seconds for the tears to start welling up again. There was no use trying to stop it so he let the tears fall down his cheeks and onto his t-shirt, staining the white cotton with saltwater. After a minute he got up and crossed the room to the mirror, bracing himself on the counter and looking at his reflection in the bright lights ringing the glass. He swore under his breath as he saw how red his eyes were and clumsily fished a kleenex out of his pocket to try and dry the mess on his face. Giving it up as a bad job, he returned to his corner and curled up with his legs drawn up to his chin and his arms around his knees. This was always the worst part.  


They had all seen it coming, really, maybe Niall more than any of them. Maybe even before Zayn. Niall had always been sharp, sharper than people gave him credit for. It started with the little things: sleeping more, smiling less, smoking all the time. Everyone always said they expected Zayn to announce his solo career any minute but they never really meant it. When he suddenly stopped showing up for gigs, that was when it stopped being funny.  


Niall winced at the sudden intrusion of all of the unpleasant memories of the last few weeks: the strain in Liam’s voice as he casually played off Zayn’s absence in Orlando the first time, the tension that hung in the air like a storm cloud when he showed up again as if nothing had happened, passing a cracked door at their last venue and hearing Louis and Harry’s voices arguing quietly inside the room, only hearing Zayn’s name and a sharp word before it fell silent and Niall moved on, not wanting to hear anything more. That was the first time he had cried himself to sleep.  


Niall shifted on the carpet, feeling a growing ache in his legs as he had hardly moved in the past hour. He knew he should be backstage soon but he didn’t feel much like getting up just yet. He drew a shuddery breath and laid his head down on his knees, squeezing his eyes shut and willing himself to disappear through the floor and never have to speak or see or feel again.  


This band was his whole life. His best friends, his family, everything was all tied into the band. He would live a thousand years without food or water before he even considered giving this up. Maybe, Niall thought, maybe that was the reason why he was taking it so much harder than the other boys. Harry was popular enough to have his own solo career, he’d never have to worry about his future if the band ever- Niall shuddered, not wanting to finish the thought. Liam was already establishing himself as an excellent producer and Louis was a shoo-in for the next X Factor judge. Niall, though, what did he have to go home to after this was all over?  


One Direction was everything to him. Without this, there was nothing. He felt so empty when he thought about what his life would be like without his brothers. And that was what scared him the most. If it had been so easy for Zayn to leave him behind, how could he be so sure it wouldn’t be the same for the others?  


No, he thought, they could never do that to me.  


_But Zayn did. __  
_

Niall started to feel panic welling in his chest but before his breath could begin to pick up a soft knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. “Time to go, Niall,” Liam called through the door, voice slightly muffled by the steel. Niall took a deep breath and braced himself. He slowly pulled himself up off the ground, dusted off his jeans, and wiped his nose with the back of his hand.  


He walked out of the dressing room, back straight, knees only a little shaky, and wove his way through the mass of crew and lights and wires to join the three already below the stage. Feeling the thundering of thousands of voices in his chest and hearing the noise fill up his mind and leave no room for any thought, he looked up at his bandmates as they readied themselves to go onstage. Preshow nerves manifested itself in different ways in each boy but all had the same bright, excited spark in their eyes that only appeared in the seconds before they took to the stage and let go of everything, one night at a time. After five years of habit the four didn’t even have to think to huddle up for their ritual last-second chant. Liam was the first to go onstage, the roar of the crowd increasing a hundredfold as his body disappeared from view. Louis was second, following quickly after. Just before Harry climbed up the steps to the stage, though, he paused beside Niall, laid his hand on his cheek, and gave him a small but tenderly warm smile before jumping forward and taking the steps two at a time up to the platform. Niall stood rooted to the spot for several seconds before he realized he had missed his cue. He slowly walked forward and gripped the handrail, one foot on the first step. Zayn is gone, he thought as he climbed the steps up into the blinding light and rush of noise, but as long as I have this, right here, right now, I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.

_But it’s not the end  
I’ll see your face again_

 

***


End file.
